living on a ballroom dance floor

Cooking with love

2011-02-20T21:21:00.000-08:00

Saturday, I decided to show my boyfriend how much I appreciate him by surprising him with a picnic. Being that I live in Arizona I didn't think it would be a problem. Of course, the one and only time I plan a picnic, it rains all weekend. So we had an indoor picnic. I made a bowtie and melon salad, chocolate covered strawberries and home made cookies. He loved it.

Boyfriend decided to return the fave by cooking me surprise dinner on Sunday. Frozen green beans, instant white rice and fish sticks.

I love him.

30 days of me - day 1

2011-02-20T11:10:00.000-08:00

I know I posted my 3o days a few days ago and to be honest, I got lazy and procrastinated. But hey, I am doing it now! Today was a lazy day...this whole weekend was a lazy day. The weather is cold and rainy, it's the perfect movie marathon day while munching on some Girl Scout Shortbread cookies. Yum!!

Here are the pictures of me today:

If could remember where I got my clothes, I'd tell you, but today it is just jeans, black tshirt and my favorite sweater. I think I may have gotten my sweater at either Urban Outfitters or Nordstrom, but it is my absolute favorite and goes with practically every casual outfit. Well, at least I make it go with almost everything.

PS. I just purchased 2 of the sexiest competitve latin dresses and I can't wait till the alterations are done so I can show them to you!

30 days of Me

2011-02-16T07:19:00.000-08:00

As suggested by Amy from A Whim of Mine suggested that I do a 30 day thing to get me back in the swing of things with my blogging and may find some inspiration. I've tried a 30 day thing before ans I don't know if it was the time or if it was the questions but I didn't stick to it. Hopefully, this time will be different. So prepare - from here on out, we are going to get up close and personal!

Day 1: A photo of you, taken today and the outfit you wore today.
Day 2: What’s in your bag?
Day 3: A photo of your cellphone.
Day 4: A day in the life, photographs taken throughout your day.
Day 5: A photograph of yourself two years ago.
Day 6: A photograph of yourself without makeup.
Day 7: A photo of yourself, not taken by you.
Day 8: A photo of someone you fancy at the moment.
Day 9: The contents of your fridge, MTV Cribs style.
Day 10: Your dream wedding.
Day 11: A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 12: Your favourite movie.
Day 13: What you want more than anything right now.
Day 14: Your current wishlist.
Day 15: Something you regret.
Day 16: The most beautiful picture of your best friend.
Day 17: A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 18: A photo of your house/apartment.
Day 19: A photo of your handwriting.
Day 20: A band/artist not many people know of, but you think should.
Day 21: A photograph of the part of you that you dislike the most.
Day 22: A photograph of the part of you that you like the most.
Day 23: The next plan you have coming up that you’re really excited for.
Day 24: A song to match your mood.
Day 25: A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 26: A celebrity you don’t like, and why.
Day 27: A photo of your favourite item of clothing.
Day 28: A cartoon character that you´d love to meet in real life.
Day 29: What’s in your make-up bag?
Day 30: A photograph of yourself taken today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

I really don't know what happened.

2011-02-15T22:54:00.001-08:00

but blogging use to be so easy. I feel like I have nothing to say and not for lack of things going on but just cuz i don't know what to say.

grr. this is frustrating because I miss and love blogging.

Valentine's Day.

2011-02-14T21:53:00.000-08:00

I've never had a valentine's day and to be honest I didn't care for it. Well, it wasn't a big deal to me that is. To me, I love my boyfriend and we spend so much time together showing our feelings that every day is valentine's day to me. We couldn't celebrate vday today, however, so we stayed home yesterday and made dinner together which was nice. Then afterwards, boyfriend pulled out an unexpected gift. I kind of thought he forgot about valentine's but I was so wrong.

this is what he got me:

A message in a bottle! How freakin' thoughtful and sweet is that?

I didn't take a picture of what the message said because those are words that need to be kept close to my heart, but he said some sweet things that I didn't expect him to say. I don't know why I am surprised when he expresses how he feels, but I almost cried to find out how much he loved me and how I happy make him.

It was a really nice surprise and really nice first valentine's day. I'm actually planning a surprise romantic picnic for him either this week or next week. Kinda depends on when I get my basket that I ordered, but I really want to show him much he means to me.

I hope everyone celebrated valentine's day in their own special way. Till next time...xoxo

The Floodgates of Love

2011-02-07T22:41:00.002-08:00

It's so funny how once you say "I love you" everything changes. Well, the little, yet important things change.

I guess I never thought that I was closed off to boyfriend. I guess I never realized that I held certain emotions back because I didn't know how he felt. And I'm pretty sure the feeling was mutual. This past weekend was the first weekend we were together since we said the big "L" word and we only had one day with each other since he was flying out of town for work.

He was SUPER mushy with me that Saturday, I mean extra mushy! Extra attentive, extra affectionate, extra everything and I didn't get why. Until he said it, "I love you, baby".

That's right! I almost forgot!
He loooooves me!

haha. No, I didn't forget, but I did realize that now it was ok to be more freeing with our feelings because we both know how the other one feels.

Boyfriend travels often for work and I never really feel like I miss him. I just figure, whatever, I'll see him next week. But this time, I left his place feeling sad. I actually felt like I was going to miss him and I do feel like I miss him. In fact, I cannot wait to see him. It's so funny how just saying those 3 words, change everything. It allows you to be completely open and free with each other.

That's kind of scary.

...but in a good way.

I made the list!!! Top 20!!!!!!

2011-02-03T21:31:00.001-08:00

I just found out that I made the top 20 list for the week at Arthur Murray! So basically, out of all the hundreds of studios and thousands of specialists, I was the 10th highest seller for the week!!!! OH YEA BABY!!

New Inspiration. New Motivation.

2011-02-02T22:33:00.001-08:00

First of all, let me say that I love my job.

I get to dance for a living.
I get to socialize for a living.
And everyday I am changing someone's life.

I really want my own studio and 5 years I plan to get it. In order for me to get an franchise, one of the criteria is to be an executive for at least 2 years. Well, this morning my boss came up to me complimenting the work I have been doing and said, "I want to start training to you be a counselor (aka an executive)." Yay! It's exactly what I wanted!!

Now, at the moment there isn't a structured plan on my training and there isn't a time a frame of when I will actually be a counselor. He did say it could take a year or two, but I'm ok with that. I'll be very prepared when the time comes to take over. I do need to sit down with him and talk about the details of this plan because just saying I am going to train, means nothing if I am not actually putting in work on the training. I am going to give him till next week to talk to him because I know he needs to talk to my current counselor and figure out exactly what we are going to do from here, but I am excited.

This week I was going through a dry spell with my job. I felt very uninspired and bored with the routine. This news definitely lit a fire under my ass. It's not only reminded me of my goals, but it has now made my goals tangible and there is no room for slacking!

I predict in 6 months, I'll have the counselor position. Let's see if I am right.

Earthlings. Veganism. Animal Cruetly. My head hurts.

2011-02-02T09:17:00.000-08:00

I just spent an hour and half of my morning watching the movie "Earthlings" online.

I have a headache.

Oh dear god.

2 years ago, I made the decision of being a vegetarian after reading the book, "Skinny Bitch". It is a no non-sense, straight to the point, book on nutrition. The Authors are for animal rights so it is biased in that way, but animal cruelty is only like a chapter. Everything else is about the processed shit we eat and how it effects us. Bottom line, that book changed my views on meat. At the time, the animial cruelty part saddened me but that really wasn't my reasons for changing my habits. It was everything else that disgusted me. However, time to time, I ate fish out of ignorance. The book didn't go into too many gruesome details with fish like it did with meat, so it didn't quite have the same effect. Although, I did know fish was probably treated the same way but I just refused to educate myself because I knew once I did, that would be over.

Last night, someone post a link to "Earthlings" (http://www.earthlings.com/) where you can watch the documentary for free. At the time, I didn't really think anything of it. I knew animal cruelty was sad, I've heard the stories, I've seen brief clips of it and it wasn't that I didn't care, but I guess I just didn't care enough to become a crazy PETA person. For what ever reason, this morning I just had to watch the movie. 5 minutes into I already knew, I would never eat or wear animals again.

First off all, they start the first segment on pets. OH, MY HEART! That was definitely a smart move on the director to start it off with the fluffy house family members. It grabbed my attention for sure and was very heart breaking. I had to take breaks between the movie because I just couldn't stand watching it. My head hurt, my stomach hurt, at one point I teared up. It was too much to handle but it needed to be said. Through out my movie watching, I rummaged through my things and immediately started throwing out my food products, leather shoes and purses.

I basically got rid of my half of my closet of accessories and I am sure I have more that snuck through the cracks. I am planning on donating the shoes and giving some of my purses to my sister who has been wanting them since the day I came home from the store. It doesn't bother me what other people do but I just don't think I can be apart of that any more.

So we will see how my life as a vegan takes over. It will be an interesting transition but I don't plan on driving myself crazy with it either. I have already substituted a lot with meat but to switching over dairy products will be difficult, especially when I go out to eat. It will be a learning process and I am prepared to slowly get to where I need to be. Oh and don't worry, I am not going to be going PETA crazy either. I won't throw red paint on you if I see you wearing fur and I won't (always) have videos of animal cruelty. It's not going to consume a huge part of my life but it will change a little bit of my habits.

I do suggest you check out the movie. It doesn't hurt to educate yourself.

I kinda don't care.

2011-02-01T08:07:00.000-08:00

I'm going through a strange mode right now. I love my job, but I feel like I just don't care. I think I am just bored with the routine and I need something new to make it inspiring again. I think maybe I just need a vacation where I can take a break from the responsibility and miss what I do. I'm sure it is just a phase and I hope it passes soon because going to work not caring is going to make my day very unproductive.

It also doesn't help that one of my co-workers is leaving. We have a very small staff and I pretty much really like about half of them. Then the other half, they are cool but I wouldn't care too much if they left. Well, actually one person I wish would leave but of course, that is person that will stay forever. Anyway, the one that is leaving, I really do like and he is apart of my department. (my Department is made up of me, him and our supervisor). This month we did SO well in our sales, we doubled out monthly goals, things are just clicking and it's freakin great! Now, we have to get someone new to train and we are going to start all over again. The thing about our job, is that it does take a while to get use to your position and own your role as an instructor.

So unfortunately, it is going to take a while to get things back up to speed after this minor dilemma. Hopefully, my minor dilemma won't take as long. Blah.

"I love you too, Pumpkin."

2011-01-30T23:10:00.000-08:00

Finally!

If you've been following me, you know that I have been stressing about saying "I love you" to the boyfriend. I've had dreams that I said and he just looked at me and said, "thanks." I've had fears that he would freak out and then it would be over. Even though, at the same time, I knew he loved me and I knew he was scared to say it too. When it comes to emotions and our relationship, he definitely has fears. He doesn't verbalize them but I can tell. It's kind of endearing but SOOO annoying in a situation like this; i wanted him to say it first so I didn't have risk the chance of being shot down. lol. I know, pathetic. But this weekend I finally decided that this was it, I just couldn't hold it back any longer.

Funny thing - So Saturday, I was watching Sex & the City when Boyfriend came over. He doesn't care for the show, he thinks it's stupid and he has never really watched it with me. The first show he decides to watch with me is the episode where Carrie wants to tell Bigg she loves him. "It's so easy to say 'I love you, NY'. But it is not as easy to say, 'I love you, Mr. Bigg'". When she said that I was like "OK, I get the picture! I'll say it!" haha. And then we went to see "No Strings Attached", which by the way is very funny, and of course I knew it was a romantic comedy but the whole saying "I love you" thing was just magnified in my head because that was all I could think about.

Sunday morning came around and I just decided I was just going to say it.

Boyfriend loooves to wake me up and then when I'm half asleep get in some odd cuddling position. And while our bodies were intertwined and I was in my groggy stage, I said, "Boyfriend......I love you."

"I love you too, pumpkin" Boyfriend replied.

I think I may have slipped in a "well, thank god" afterwards. I can't remember. I was so nervous for his reaction that I can't quite recall what I did after that, but I did notice there was a sigh of relief on his end. I think we were both relieved that the cat was out of the bag; we know how we feel and now we can continue on with our relationship. Yay, love!

My world is spinning!

2011-01-28T15:31:00.000-08:00

Literally.

I've been dealing with the case of the spins ever since Wednesday. Dizzy all day and all night. I pretty much cannot turn my head or everything turns. It kinda feels like after you have been drinking and it starts to wear off, you feel kind of light headed and still a little drunk but you are more sober than anything. That's how I feel. On top of that, I get on and off motion sickness from the dizziness. Yay.

I finally went to the doctor this morning and they aren't positive on what it is. It is either one of the three things: I could have had some virus that cause inflammation in my ears, my allergies have been acting up so it could be my sinus' all f'd up, or I have benign positional vertigo. She gave me light steroids to take for the next 6 days that will cure the first two things. If I still have this problem after the medication then it is the vertigo and I will have go to a this specialist/physical therapist who will give me exercises to help it. And that will either work or it will fix itself on it's on and who knows when that will be.

It just really sucks because if I had a job where I sit at a desk all day, I would be fine. I could deal with it. But I dance...all day. That is my job and I can't quiet get out of it. Wednesday I took the day off but yesterday I went in. It's hard to take off with my job because I do things that only I can do and nobody can do it for me, so its tough. Today, I didn't have any afternoon lessons so I took off and going in for my evening lesson.

Blah. I'm hoping this medication will take care of it because I do not want to go weeks feeling like this.

May the weekend rest in peace

2011-01-26T07:13:00.000-08:00

So the weekend is over and I feel like it is still Monday. Basically this feels like the slowest week ever. Oh how I miss last weekend; it was a good one. For the past 8 months, boyfriend and I have done a lot of things on our own. But Saturday night, we spiced things up a bit by going out with another couple!! Ooooh yea. I love doing things with boyfriend but there is just something about adding another couple (or a few more people) in the mix, it makes it really entertaining. We went out to the local casino where they had a dueling piano show. Everyone that I was with said they had been to better, but I didn't know the difference. This was my first one and I was just happy to be out with a group of people. If you have a piano bar near you, I would definitely try it. It's fun. They basically play requested songs and bring you up to the front to embarrass you. How could you pass that up?

Then Sunday was our 8 month mark. I can't believe it has gone this fast. We started dating a few weeks after my birthday so when I think of the beginning of our relationship I relate it to my birthday. And this is the fastest year I have ever had. I just feel like I turned 24 and you are telling me in 4 months I will be 25. I'm just so surprised how fast and how well our relationship is going. It hardly feels like a year is coming up.

But anyway, the boyfriend taught me how to fly a kite that day. I had never done it before and apparently I was "robbed" of my childhood. But I can only imagine how challenging a kite would be in area with huge buildings, telephone wires and lots of trees. Sooo what are you gonna do? It was pretty windy that day so he thought it would be a great time to do it. So we went to Target and bought a batman and Disney princess kite, drove to the park and watched them sore. I had a bit of a rough start but then I got the hang of it. It was actually pretty relaxing and I developed a new technique, laying on the ground and moving your hand. You can't get anymore relaxing than that. haha.

I'm still mourning over the passing of last weekend especially since this week is going by some what stressful. Friday just couldn't come quick enough!

Attitude really makes a big difference.

2011-01-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

This New Year, so far, is going by so amazingly. Amazingly, is that a word? Whatever. But it really is going great. Lately, I've been getting so many new people, selling all those people, and all those people are super nice and fun. It's like they are making my job fun but that couldn't happen out of no where. I just don't suddenly get a bunch a fun out of the blue.

And then yesterday I had to give a meeting on selling. And it went so well that the supervisor was asking me questiosn as to what her teachers should do with certain difficult students.

Overall is everything is going really well. I'm so happy. And today, I have 2 more new people to try and sell and one more on friday. Hit me with your best shot!

living together

2011-01-19T07:34:00.000-08:00

I would never say that I'm a very private person, but I think I am just use to being alone. On top of that I am naturally lazy. I love having days, where I sit at home and have "Sex & the City" marathon. However, my relationship boyfriend doesn't allow me to do that and it's not his fault.

Our hours during the week are completely opposite. He works days, I work evenings, we will text randomly throughout the day but we really don't get much interaction during the week. Our only time together are the weekends and we try to get the most of it. Our schedule sucks, but it works. It's how it has always been and unless if someone gets a new job, this is how it will always be. I'm definitely okay with that.

This past weekend, all I wanted to do was be home alone, by myself and do nothing. The problem is I was torn; I wanted to do nothing but I didn't want to cut my time so short with him since I don't get to be with him much. I ended up being with him for the day and I quickly forgot the feeling of wanting to be alone, but I just keep thinking about couples that live together. I don't know how I am going to do it.

Where you belong

2011-01-12T08:41:00.001-08:00

Put yourself where you belong. Go with what you know is right for you.
Whatever you most love to do is what you will do best. Places where you love to be, and people you love to be around, will bring out your highest level of effectiveness.

Put yourself in those places and get yourself around those people as much as you can. Be where you belong and you'll be your very best.

When something feels right, that means it is right for you. Pay attention to your authentic feelings, and follow where they lead.

It's not frivolous or selfish to do what you love. When you're doing what you love, you're able to give the best of who you are.

Be the way you want to be, feel the way you like to feel and do the things you wish to do. Get yourself where you truly belong, and live your own special greatness.

-- Ralph Marston
www.http://greatday.com

I freak out too easily.

2011-01-12T07:58:00.003-08:00

I stress out. Give myself a headache. Sometimes want to cry. It's insane.

And most of the times, it's NOT that big of deal. Yea, there is damper in my plans, things may not go the way as plan, I may not have the support I was looking for, but where there is a will there is a way. And I just seem to get so upset and disappointed so fast.

And then at the end of the day, everything is fixed!

I'm ridiculous and I need to stop.

The New Year is off to a good start!

2011-01-09T21:03:00.000-08:00

My resolutions mainly revolving around work. Atleast, at this point in my life it applied to work. Of course, the better I can handle my life at work the better I will be able to handle my personal life when shit hits the fan. *knock on wood*

This week my attitude help generate good sales, which I am very happy about. I also stayed away from the potential drama that I would have self created. I use to get really upset with certain individuals who wouldn't follow through with anything. We could come up with great ideas for the studio and the people in charge just waited for everyone else to do the work. The everyone else, would end up either being me or me being the only one who care. I would care to the point that it would not only effect my happiness at work but would effect my performance at work. This year, a situation came up where I could have completely gotten myself invovled and worked up from the lack of effort from my superiors or I could walk away and watch it fail.

I walked away.

This idea had so much potential, but I can't put all my energy into something that I won't see profit it and the people that would, don't care enough to work. It was actually very easy and it felt very good.

I also bought a book called, "The Total Money Make Over" by Dave Ramsey. It was refferred to me by my boss and I am looking forward to watching my money grow. I don't make much now. Dance teachers have the potential to make good money, but it's potential. Right now, I'm doing alright. Anyway, I've decided to start saving for my retirement in an account that will grow interest, buy stock, and put away my credit cards. I only have two; my amex and vicotria's secret, but its two more than I need. I am still paying off my amex and it would be in my best interest if I leave those cards out of my wallet until I am out of debt.

And in bloggy news, I got a new blog award thanks to Rachel from "The Dairy of a Dreamer". When I get the chance I will definitely get that going and give the proper thanks to Rachel. But I really do appreciate it! Thank you!!

So 2011, watch out! I'm making moves.

Honesty.

2011-01-07T22:19:00.000-08:00

I consider myself to be a very confident person. I am not perfect but I have come a long way to feel good about the person I am. At work, if I don't understand something, I will ask as many questions as I need. If I don't agree with something, I will let you know. And if you want my honest opinion, you will get the truth.

I would never hurt someone with honesty if they didn't ask for it, but when I speak, I just say it how it is and everyone knows it. And to me it is so mind boggling that there are still grown adults so insecure that my honesty bothers them. One of my executives at work is very smart when it comes to the business, but her weakness is her insecurities. Her insecurities completely interferes with taking control and managing the people underneath her.

Just the other day, we were talking about one of my students and procedure that needed to be done. I didn't really get how it worked and I continued to asked questions. All of a sudden, she started to get defensive and I just couldn't understand what the hell was going on. Then I realized she thought I was arguing with her and trying to tell her how to do her job feeling like she needed to prove herself to me. Are you kidding? I was simply trying to understand how this shit worked. I didn't get nasty, I didn't raise my voice, my voice inflections didn't get stern - I was normal. To me, I was having a conversation but to her, I was questioning her power.

I finally had to explain to her that when it seems like I am disagreeing, it is not that I actually don't believe she is right, it's that I just don't understand. I told her I trust her and her managing, but if I don't get it, it's not because of her but sometimes I need to actually do them and see it work. She thanked me for approaching her and having that conversation, but it is quite frustrating.

I am not a mean person and I would never say things that I know would hurt some one's feelings, unless if I purposely wanted to of course lol. I may say things with honesty, but why is that wrong? I don't know why the truth has to be sugar coated all the damn time. Especially if the truth is really not THAT big of a deal. At least to me they are not, but maybe that is because I am not doing anything wrong.

I don't know.

People are weird.

New Years's Resolution: 2011 Edition

2010-12-28T21:57:00.001-08:00

The cool thing about blogging is that it is very easy to go back and see what your thoughts were a year ago. First off all, I can't even believe how I have been blogging for this long. I never really thought the blogging thing would last more than a few months. But most importantly, it is really cool too see how some of my resolutions of 2010 came true and how some of them I am still working on.

I had 3 main resolutions last year and the one that stood out to me the most was my 3rd one:

"'"You know, I really thought it was that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over- the-fence, world-series kind of stuff...'I want love. For once, in my 23 young years, I think I deserve that love."I know that I have no control over who loves me back and I won't settle for just anyone but I can change my attitude. No more feeling bad for myself. No more 'I wish I had...'; the more I believe I am desirable the more I will be and everything will fall into place.

Well folks, I have to say, I think I found the love that I deserve. And it happened because of my attitude of myself and relationships. Once I began to stop worrying so much about what I didn't have and focused on what made me happy, boyfriend literally came out of no where and I couldn't have been happier. So looking back on how I felt a year ago and how far I have come is pretty freaking cool.

Now moving on to this year, my one resolution is not too different than my number 1 from last year: Take care of myself. Last year, I was gearing that towards exercise and nutrition without the pressure of numbers. It was more of a general outline of living a healthier life. I still struggle with that but I am getting better. I am not going to make this a resolution but it won't be something I'll stop trying to improve. However, part of that taking care of myself was on an emotional scale which I haven't quite mastered.

I stress out very easily. I worry too much about what other people do wrong and let that effect me. I worry about things 4 years from now. I worry about things I can't control and I have a hard time accepting that I cannot control certain things. Because of all this, I get discouraged easily. I doubt myself...I feel defeated. This needs to stop. I really do possess a lot of great qualities that can make me very successful in life, but if I continue to let these things effect me, I won't make it.

With that said, my New Year's Resolution is to focus on me. I am going to worry about my actions and how they effect me. I am going to try and fight the feelings of discouragement. I will not become an overnight success. Failing is the only way to get to the top; so I am going to try to accept my failures, elements in life I cannot control and make good of the things I can. I will try to keep more of a positive mental attitude. I know this will not happen right away and I may not be that great at it next year, but it is progress. And the more progress I make, the better my life will be and the bigger success I will have in anything that I pursue.

So that is it for me folks. I hope everyone has some great plans for the new year. I am still not positive on what I am doing yet but I'm sure I will have fun. And no matter how terrible or how great this last year has been, I hope everyone learned something from it that will make them a better, healthier and happier person in 2011.

Happy New Year's everyone!

I used this quote last year's resolutions post and I will use it again. It's just so damn appropriate.

"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back, maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be." Carrie (Sex & the City)

Re: Yay for the holidays!

2010-12-27T07:39:00.000-08:00

Everything was quite lovely this year. Very quiet, but nice. As I said before, on Christmas eveI made a puerto rican dinner for my family which turned out really good! I'm very excited about this and I can't wait to do more. My dad loved it and if daddy gives the stamo if approval with food, then that means I did something right. After that, we went to the Zoo lights exhibition. It really wasn't my thing. If it was up to me I wouldn't go, but it was something to do. After that we went to see "Little Fockers" and it was pretty good. It is kind of hard to make that movie funnier and funnier. After a while it becomes the same story, but they did a pretty damn good job trying. My absolute favorite part in the movies is at the end when jack going into the ambulance, with an oxygen mask on and says "you are the god focker" to greg. It was muffeled so you could hardly understand him and one of the EMTs said, "Why is he cursing at us?....Sir, WE'RE ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU." It was such a small part that probably had the inention of giving someone a smile, but it was delivered so well that I couldn't stop cracking up.

Christmas day was exciting. We opened up presents at my parents house; got some cool things, money, clothes etc. I hung out there for a bit before I exchanged gifts with boyfriend. This was our first christmas together and I was freaking out about my present. I got him a nice gift with other whatever gifts but I just didn't feel like it was a big deal. I wanted to get something great for him, but I honestly had no idea what to do. Boyfriend has everything and if he doesn't he just gets it without a problem. He doesn't have any kind of hobby or collection that I could add to. He is very simple. He makes do with the simple things in life, which I suppose is a good characteristic in him but it makes for difficult gift giving.

However, after exchanging gifts I realized his gift from me was giving me my gift. He was so excited to give me my gift; he got me the new Michael Jackson cd (my one and only true love. RIP MJ), a new connector for my ipod in the car so I can play it and the newest Ipod touch. I'm not really that surprised he spent that money on me, but I still can't believe it. And I can't believe that it was a well thought out gift. It pretty much started with the fact that I needed a new ipod connector to my car so I can play my stuff on the radio and he went from there. Anyway, like I said he was so excited about giving me the ipod. That was all he could talk about the entire weekend. So I was relieved after that when I realized that made him happy.

And finally, that night we went to his parent's house for Christmas dinner. I met his sister, who at first I thought didnt like me, then I realized she was shy. They are all like that; Shy and quiet but very nice people. It was a nice evening. His parents went out and got me some really nice things for christmas. Man, I'm spoiled!

Anyway, that was my Christmas. Not very typical but still nice.

I've noticed everyone putting up their NY resolutions. I plan on doing that too but I am really trying to come up with the things I want to improve. I have things in mind but it has been well thought out and I am tired of coming up with resolutions that fall through crack.

Till then, Ta-ta for now

Yay for the Holidays!

2010-12-21T07:09:00.000-08:00

I love the holidays. it really is the best time of the year. When I was living back in New York, Christmas was so exciting. We use to have these HUGE parties on Christmas eve that lasted till the day. Since we lived upstate and everyone lived in the city, sometimes we had a big slumber party at our house and 20 something people would take a spot on the floor so that we could party the next morning.

This Christmas was be kind of quiet. Maybe quiet isn't the word. It could possibly be "lonely". It's just me and my immediate family with no big Christmas party. That is the one thing about moving to another state; the longer you get comfortable the more it feels like home, but when the holidays hit, you are quickly reminded that you are not in Kansas anymore.

I am still excited for Christmas though. I decided that I am going to host my first Puerto Rican Christmas dinner for my family. I've never really cooked for people nor have I ever cooked a Puerto Rican meal, but I am surely excited! Then on Christmas day, boyfriend's mom invited me over for dinner. So that will be nice. I have never spent a Holiday with a boyfriend or his family before.

So even though this isn't the Christmas I am use to, it will definitely be one that I'll enjoy.

But I have to admit, I cannot wait to start my own family so that I can create my own holiday traditions.

My Austin Powers Tango Formation

2010-12-14T23:39:00.001-08:00

This was my very first formation.

(Formation = a routine with more than 2 people)

It was the best thing I have ever done and I was so proud of my students. They were so proud of themselves and they had the most amazing time ever with it. It really felt good to know that I was apart of the reason for their excitement. Anyway, as promised I have a video to share and pictures to tag along. I hope you like!

Austin Powers Tango Formation from xoanastasiabee on Vimeo.

Next up - Michael Jackson's "Bad" a Cha Cha. Can't wait!

Thursday, the Turn around.

2010-12-10T07:17:00.000-08:00

I was having the hardest time dealing with things this week. I've been question myself, doubting my abilities and considering a new job. I don't know why but I've just been feeling discouraged. On top of that, I've been dreading this weekend. Tonight we have a dance event dedicated to routines with all 4 studios in the valley. It sounds like it would be fun (and it is), but it is still work for us. I think what stinks about it is that its a long day. I get to work at 12:30, the event starts at 6 and will possibly end at 10:30. If it was just that going on, I would be ok. But on Sunday we have an even longer work event to go from 8 in the morning till midnight. UGh, I'm dreading that one. These events are only worth the time if you have a lot of students to dance with. That is where you make the money, other than that you are just sitting on your ass. And unfortunately, I am not an instructor that gets to keep students to do these things with. I just get students started and someone else fulfills their program.

I have to admit, last night we had a dress rehearsal for all of our students and they did so well. It was actually exciting to watch. And I am so proud of my Austin Powers Tango formation. 3 months of practice and we are ready to go! They did so good, the audience loved it and the students felt so good about themselves. It made me a proud little dance mommy. So now I am excited to do this for tomorrow and show 160 people this time, not 20. And don't worry, I will have pictures and videos next week to share.

Work has really been the only thing that was getting me down. My relationship with boyfriend is going great. Although, I'm kind of bothered with myself. I don't know if it is insecurities, inexperience with relationships or negativity, but for whatever reasons it is like I'm almost waiting for boyfriend to break up with me. Well, maybe no break up, but it's like I don't actually think he likes me at times. GO FIGURE!

The thing is, boyfriend is extremely affectionate, spends his weekends with me, he really doesn't do anything that would make me think he is questioning our relationship. For example, since we don't see each other during the week, we normally spend all day Saturday and spend most of our Sunday together. We call it quits around 4. I was suppose to get my hair cut Saturday evening but they cancelled. My only other option was to do it at 12 on Sunday. When I told boyfriend he had asked if I could get it pushed back so we didn't have to cut our day short. I was actually surprised that he said that. I just figured, ok, 12, whatever. Won't be a big deal. But when he asked that, it was almost like a "oh, he actually wants to be with me" moment click. Why? Why would I think that? We have almost been together 7 months and nothing has gone wrong yet.

Maybe, I am just waiting for something to go wrong; that can't be healthy. I feel like that is potential for self destruction. Maybe its the fact that this is my first relationship. Or maybe it is because I use to have a cynical view on men in relationships. And I don't get where I get that from, I have a perfect father figure in my life, so I don't get that either. Maybe it is feelings from another life. Who knows.

Oh! And he has a framed picture of us on his desk in his home office, but I think that would make any girlfriend feel special seeing something like that for the first time.

Alrighty, it's time I get out of bed and get ready for the day. It's going to be a long one!

Till then...

2010-12-09T09:59:00.001-08:00

I've been wanting to blog lately. In fact, I need to. I have to get some things off my chest but I can't put it into words. I'll figure it out some how...soon.

Would anyone care for some Orange Juice?

2010-11-30T08:46:00.000-08:00

While i was away for Thanksgiving in San Fransisco, boyfriend babysat my little Yorkie, TeJo. She has been obsessed with him since day one. In fact, I secretly think she is trying to take him away from me. lol.

When I went to pick her up, he had asked me if I had been home yet. I hadn't been but I immediately thought that he may have left me a surprise. Could it be flowers? a love note? My romantic mind started racing of all the cute things he could have done when I was gone.

Yesterday morning, I got home ready to find a surprise waiting for me and I saw nothing. At least, nothing that stood out. Slightly disappointed, I began to unpack when I spotted a huge pack of baby wipes in my living room. I then found another huge pack in my bathroom. Freakin boyfriend. What a retard. I have a thing for calling him an asswipe so he thought it would be funny to actually get me wipes for my ass. I'm not going to lie, at first I had wished that bf would be more romantic with me and less funny at times. But I let that thought pass because I know I have a great boyfriend that thinks of me even if it's when he is buying ass wipes.

A little bit later I went to my fridge and found the best, romantic, surprise that any girl could ever ask for!

A fridge stocked of extreme, pulpy, orange juice! I love orange juice! If I could I would substitute it for water every day for the rest of my life. Of course, bf is a little insane buying that much orange juice. The shit will probably expire before I can drink it all. But that's ok, I love OJ...& boyfriend of course!

There's a mole in the studio.

2010-11-29T08:12:00.000-08:00

For those of you that don't know, my relationship with boyfriend is pretty much a secret at work. Only my boss and my 2 good friends know. The reason why it is private is because one of the biggest no-no's of the franchise is that fraternization will not be tolerated. Although, my boss did give us permission to date, we did agree that it would be best to keep everything on the DL until....who knows when. I prefer us be together for a year before it is aired. At least this way I know it's serious and would be worth dealing with all the criticism. And I wouldn't be dealing with my own peers, I would be dealing with the other 3 studios in the valley. I guess my personal fear with our relationship being known to everyone is that I don't want to be apart of the gossip. I don't want our relationship being apart of the gossip. And everyone knows everything through out the dance studios.

The day I went on vacation for Thanksgiving, my co-worker and good friend who knows about boyfriend, called me to tell me that my supervisor believes there is a mole in the studio. My supervisor is the only one that teaches boyfriend his lessons and apparently on their lesson, he said two things that someone would have to tell him for him to know:

1. poop tea
2. my supervisor gets happy when he struggles with a move.

First of all, poop tea aka as a laxative tea. My supervisor, myself and my counselor (none of which know about my relationship) were talking about the master cleanse and poop teas in general. Poop tea is a pretty specific word and I asked him who told him about it. He told me that he had never heard of that. So apparently he never said poop tea on their lesson, but it doesn't really matter cuz she believes he did. I know she thinks its me because our counselor could give two shits about talking to boyfriend. And honestly, I can't even crap in his condo yet, why would I talk to him about needed poop tea? No thanks.

Then there is the other thing. As teachers we always get frustrated with our students and as co-workers we vent about it. Boyfriend has been taking lessons for 7 years and he's better than some of our male teachers. My supervisor gets frustrated with him because sometimes he doesn't really listen to her when she tries to help. Even though she vents to me about him, I would never go to him and tell her what she says. First of all, I know its frustration and she doesn't mean anything by it. And secondly, that would just be mean if I repeated that back. Boyfriend and I don't talk about the studio when it directly involves him. I only talk to him about the things i deal with and need to get off my chest. I honestly, don't want to know how he feels about his teacher or the studio and I don't think he wants to tell me because it is my job and he's apart of it.

I have a feeling my supervisor believe it's me and if I'm right, I'm bothered by that. When she does find out we are dating she is going to believe that I can't be trusted because I tell him everything and I don't.

I hope boyfriend starts to keep his freakin mouth shut because he is going to get my in trouble!

Going Private

2010-11-28T20:59:00.001-08:00

I've decided that I'm going to make my blog private. Why? I don't know. It's just a feeling I had and decided to go with it. I think I am going through a transitional period of my (of course they never end.) and I don't know if I want to make my blog public right now. I am not sure how long I want to keep it like this, but I would still love to invite my readers to send me their email and I can add them to a list of allowed readers. So if you are still interested, leave your email in the comment box.

Hope everyone had a great thanksgiving!

Updates and then some

2010-11-23T06:48:00.000-08:00

I just woke up had an urge to blog and ended up with a serious allergy attack. What the heck?!

It kind of bugs me that I haven't had much inspiration to blog and I kind of still don't. I really do miss blogging. I'm banging my head against a wall trying to figure out what I use to write about? How could I write every single day? Maybe things have become some what routine and it's just the same old.

hm.

Anyway, things have been moving along quite well with boyfriend. Actually, now that I mention him, today is our 6 month mark! Yay! We are still crazy about each other, haven't fought about anything, and we just get a long so well. We are clearly still in the honeymoon stage. haha.

This past weekend, we went to the zoo. Oh, I love the zoo and the beautiful animals. I do some how leave feeling a bit guilty. I think the zoo is great in the sense that it gives you an opportunity to see these exotic and some times dangerous animals that you couldn't see any where but their real homeland. Yet I just feel so bad to see them locked up. I mean, sure they have "space" but they don't have their land. They are away from their real environment and then you have all these creepers with cameras staring at you. Imagine if there was a human zoo and aliens were the creepers. That would be depressing.

Lately, work has been bumming me out. I don't know why. I'm trying really hard to remain positive and calm, but I can feel the negativity swirl around in my stomach making me feel really shitty. Thank god for thanksgiving and my family. We are driving, yes, I said driving, to San Francisco to see my sister for Thanksgiving. The 12 hours drive may not be so bad. I'm preparing myself with my season 1 of gossip girl, buying season 2 for the ride and some dvds. I really hope I can sleep most of the ride. Either way, I'm looking forward to the time off from work. I have been there a year and haven't had a break. It's going to be nice to unwind and recharge.

Well, I'm off to pack!

What are you doing for the Thanksgiving?

New Work Video!

2010-11-21T20:10:00.000-08:00

I just finished. Ch-ch-ch-check it out!

"Jailhouse Rock" from xoanastasiabee on Vimeo.

i've been a very bad blogger.

2010-11-16T07:09:00.000-08:00

To be honest, I've felt like i've had nothing to say lately. If i did have anything to say it would all be in the bitching forum. I've been letting myself get caught up in negative bullshit-drama. It's definitely a problem that needs to stop now. Why do we let ourselves get upset of things we cannot control, may not directly involve us and things that we cannot fix. It's frustrating to work with different personalities, especailly when you feel that sometimes things can get petty and immature. I don't know why I allow myself to feed off of other peoples issues. I'm going to try to not let others bother me; it's not good for business and it's not good for my health.

On a brighter note, we've been creating little skits and routines every week for our company contest. I finally put together the making of one of them. Ballroom dancers turned Cheerleaders. It's a dream come true...

The making of "Mickey" from xoanastasiabee on Vimeo.

I'm going to try to be a much better blogger after this. Girl scouts honor! Plus, I miss you guys!

Medal Ball

2010-11-08T07:54:00.000-08:00

This saturday we our graduation ceremony for our students. My job isn't to teach students, my job is to get them started on a program. So normally I wouldn't have anyone to dance with at our celebrating, however, I do have one student.

Ray, and 81 year old sweetheart. I love him dearly and I was so proud of him. His wife died a year ago and dancing help get him out of his depression. He says we are his family and I look at him as family myself. This post is picture heavy. It's mostly filled with Ray and myself and Boyfriend and myself. But whatever, they are fun and my dress is fabulous!

Enjoy.

My reasons

2010-11-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't been a very active blogger lately and I want to say it's because so much has been happening, I've been too busy. However, not much has been happen and I've been at my typical schedule. Nothing busier than usual. I guess I haven't had much of a blogging inspiration lately. It happens.

Boyfriend and I have been doing good. This past weekend he went to a huge Arthur Murray Dance Competition in Vegas and took first in two different smooth categories and 2nd in a rhythm one. Aww my little twinkle toes, I'm proud of him. That's another thing, my last 5 posts were about Boyfriend. That's a problem and you guys must be so annoyed me of. I would be annoyed of me. Ok, from here on out, I will make a conscious effort to not always talk about boyfriend. Amen.

I didn't go out for Halloween. I do really like Halloween, but its never unusual for me to not have any plans. I don't know if it is because I don't make an effort to have plans or I just have really boring friends. Probably both being that I don't consider myself to have many friends. I did get dressed up though. At work we had a huge Halloween party for the students and all the staff dressed up like zombies.

It's actually a lot of fun playing around with all that make up and walking around like a dead person. When I have gotten dressed up for Halloween, it was always some cute/sexy outfit. After this past dress up, I'll always be some kind of crazy dead person or something. I'm over sexy.

Anywho, I must start getting my morning together. It's Monday! New day, new week. I hope everyone had a fun Halloween!

I met the parents.

2010-10-27T08:10:00.000-07:00

He said that his dad was quite and his mom was lively, sometimes. He wasn't kidding.

The end result was good but in the beginning I was panicking. They were shy, I got shy. It was awkward. I'm not super outgoing with people I don't know, however, I am usually able to hold a conversation and pretend like I'm interested. But it works bests when everyone asks questions. I started to freak out thinking they didn't like me. Then I realized that wasn't it and I started to freak out trying to come up with stuff to talk about. I guess there will always be awkward silences when you don't know each other, but thank goodness it was at a restaurant.

But it really wasn't that bad. His dad was cute and his mom was really sweet. They started to warm up towards the end and began to tell me some little boyfriend stories. At the end it was good, but I hoped it would have been better. Well, I hoped I would have been better. I was a little disappointed in myself but I guess my nerves got to me. OH! I did make them laugh! That's a good thing. Any time I intended on making them laugh, they did. Everyone likes a funny person!

A day later, I found out that his mom liked me! He texted me the following morning and said, "Mom said she would like to see you again. She said you were quite beautiful."

YAY! She likes me!!! I'm sure the next time it will be better, but at least they like me. :)

do you think you have sexy feet?

2010-10-21T22:55:00.001-07:00

yes for the most part. But dancing has definitely taken a toll on them and there really isnt much I can do. However, they are pretty sexy for dancers feet!

Ask me anything

One of those days.

2010-10-21T10:22:00.000-07:00

I'm tired, again. My brain is tired. I really don't know why to be honest. I got enough sleep. I'm also a bit bitchy, kind of down. What the hell? I'm in one of those moods, I guess. I really dont want to continue on the day being a cranky bitch, walking pass people thinking the most hateful things. I have to figure out a way to get out of this funk but I don't know where to start.

I'm almost dreading work. Maybe that is what is keeping me funky. I'm annoyed with people. I'm annoyed with the business. I'm annoyed with everything.

Hmm...could this be the source of my frustration?

I cannot wait till thanksgiving! I took two days off, wednesday and friday, and I'm going to San Fran with my parents to celebrate the holiday with my sister. I can really use the days off. 5 freakin whole days of nothing!!! Pure bliss!

Well, until then...at least it's thursday, one day away from friday, which is one day away from the weekend. Although it seems way to far away, i'll try to put on a happy face anyway.

Dinner with my folks.

2010-10-18T23:04:00.000-07:00

So dinner went surprisingly well! I mean, I don't think I can recall an "awkward" moment. And boyfriend is pretty shy and I know the first time he briefly met them I could tell he was nervous and tried to be cool. So i was expecting some weirdness but not at all.

We went to my parent's house at first. He doesn't know this but I had to set him up so my dad could have "the talk" with him. Trust me, I've been avoiding meeting my parents for that reason. I had to make sure that it was a serious relationship before I fed him to the daddy dog. I never knew what this talk was about, but my dad did made it seem like he was going to have an intimidating convo with the guy. Turns out it wasn't that big a deal. Phew, thank god! The convo was basically to let boyfriend know, that I'm daddy's little girl and no matter how old I am, he will always have my back. So if he ever disrespects me, he will have to deal with him. Thank god boyfriend wasn't phased by it; he pretty much understood where my dad was coming from.

I kind of feel bad though, towards the end of the dinner I got extremely tired. It was only 7:30 too! I'm so pathetic. I don't know if it was the 5 mile bike ride I did before or if it was because I had pasta and my body was tired from digesting, but I was pooped. I went from being talkative to being practically mute!

Despite that, everything went really well. I thanked boyfriend and told him how much it meant to me that he had dinner with my parents. He had fun, my parents liked him, and I'm relieved that everyone is happy. Now next Saturday, I'm meeting his parents for the first time. And I will make sure to stay away from long bike rides and carbs. The last thing I need is to fall asleep on his parents. Not a great first impression.

Any suggestions for my meeting of the parents?

Meet the Parents.

2010-10-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is an interesting day. Well, not interesting in a bad way. I'm actually looking forward to it. Tomorrow the boyfriend and I are going to dinner with my parents. Boyfriend has met my parent before, briefly, but this will be the first real "get to know you" time together. I'm excited and I hope it goes well. I'm sure it will go well!

I am excited though. Boyfriend is a very special person to me and my family means the world to me. I am extremely, maybe even uncommonly close to them; and I'm really looking forward to be able to combine my special worlds together.

Wish me luck!

P.S. Oh, and next week I'll be meeting his parents for the first time! Kind of nervous, but I'll freak when it gets closer.

Is that you following me???

2010-10-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

twitter me @mskayso

Live life now

2010-10-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

The joy and fulfillment you seek, are here now for you to experience. If you are not fully present in this moment, when will you ever be?

Don't waste another minute by waiting for conditions to improve. The opportunity to live the best day of your life is here and now.

Embrace this moment just as it is, and taste its richness. Step confidently forward just as you are, and fully live life now.

Obsessing over what could have been or what should have been won't bring you any value. Following your positive purpose in this moment is what will create value.

You are now free from all the limitations you had imposed on yourself in the past. You can now see your best possibilities and act to fulfill them.

There is so much richness right here and now. Open yourself to the beautiful experience that is yours to fulfill.

-- Ralph Marston

I relapsed.

2010-10-12T09:25:00.003-07:00

The past few weeks I've been trying to kick my addiction of NMA, Negative Mental Attitude, and turn it into PMA, Positive Mental Attitude. If this is the first time hearing about NMA I'll try to explain it in a nutshell. You know the saying, you are what you eat? Well, you are what you think. If you feel like you can never lose weight, you won't lose the weight. If you feel like its impossible to afford that home you have been eyeing, you will never be able to afford it. If you have a picture of your life with success, but think that it will take forever to happen, you will forever be trying to obtain this success. It is a lot harder to persistently believe in yourself than it is to make excuses for your failures.

If you have any interest of learning more of PMA, I suggest reading "Success Through a Postive Mental Attitude" by Napoleon Hill. I am reading it now and it has helped changed my perspective on things. However, last night I slipped, I fell back into my old habits. I had new students to work with at work and my job is to sell them lessons, which aren't cheap. Half way through the lesson, I felt that I had given up. I tried to fight it, but I didn't fight hard enough. At the end of the lesson, I really didn't push for the sale and left feeling defeating. When I got back to my desk I started thinking, "Maybe I'm just not a closer. Maybe this isn't made for me. I'm just not good at this."

What bullshit.

I'm very disappointed in myself for reverting back to my NMA, but I'm going to try not to let it carry onto today. In fact, after I publish this post, I'm not going to think about my NMA experience. I know changing your thinking, just like changing your wardrobe, isn't going to happen over night. I'm just going to keep reading my inspirational books and PMA my way through success!!

“Our minds become magnetized with the dominating thoughts we hold in our minds and these magnets attract to us the forces, the people, the circumstances of life which harmonize with the nature of our dominating thoughts.”

Napoleon Hill

Anastasia, will you please reveal yourself?

2010-10-10T20:03:00.000-07:00

When I first starting blogging, I wanted it to be a place where I could say whatever I want and not worry about who reads it. At first, I advertised it on my facebook, but after 5 minutes I realized I wouldn't able to talk about people. Well, I really don't but I'd like to have the option. I mean seriously, it's my blog. No, really, I felt that if I was going to make my blog a place where I can be open, I wasn't sure if I wanted the people I knew reading it in fear of being faced with judgement. I don't open up to many people and the last thing I wanted was to be chastised for my feelings. Blogging to the open cyber word seemed less scarier than openning up to my little real world. Is that weird?

So, I took it off facebook. In fact, nobody even knows I write a blog, not even my sister or cousin, whom I am really close with. At times, I think of telling them, but there is something nice about having a secret world all to myself. Creating a world of anonymity, I thought it would only be right if I created another name. And if you have been following me long enough, you know my deepest passion for "Will & Grace".

With that said, if you have ever wondered, Anastasia B. is short of "Anastasia Beaverhausen. Anastasia like Russian royalty and Beaverhause like...where the beaver live." - Karen Walker

That's right everyone. I named myself after Karen Walker. Not that I am anything like her, but I'd love to be minus the alcohol and minor drug addiction. But I just love the damn show!

Anyway, recently I've been debating on using my real name. My blog would still be unknown to my real world, but there is something about using my name that is much more satisfying than an alias. This blog has become a great part of my self discovery and I feel it's only right that I start being me.

So everyone, I like to introduce myself...I'm Kristine, nice to meet you.

8 Questions Game

2010-10-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

I was recently tagged in the 8 Questions Game by Jennifer B from starving, insatiable... Oh I love these things!!!

1. What is one of your favorite books?

I love the book "The Secret" and any other books about the law of attraction. That new way of thinking really changed my life and helped change my outlook, stress level and my mental state. Another book that I am enjoying and currently reading is, "Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude" by Napoleon Hill. It tags along with the idea of the secret, but focuses on thinking positive and taking the actions to be successful while believing it will happen. I've been reading for 3 weeks and it's been a happier 3 weeks at work.

2. What are you passionate about?
Work. I love my job, I love teaching students how to dance, I love working on my own dancing to become a better dance. I love meeting new people and changing their lives with the dancing. People don't realize this, but the students that come into the studio have something missing in their life. They are successful at their jobs, make tons of money but lack a social life, the social skills, love life, they may be depressed, the flame in the relationship is gone, their kids are out of the house, retired, stay at home moms...etc. When they come to dance, it makes them feel complete, like there is a purpose. It gives them confidence and it is the best decision they have ever made. I've had a few men tell me that this is the only place where people tell them they are actually good at something. There is no amount of money that can pay for that feeling of accomplishment. And personally, dancing changed my life. It gave me a lot of confidence, awareness of my body and a feeling of sexiness, and a purpose of my day. The day I stepped into the studio, I immediately knew that this was where I was suppose to be. Everyone is always looking for their purpose in life. I found mine.

3. What is something you would love to learn how to do?
I would love to learn how to surf but this is a problem...

Aside from the fact that I don't live by the ocean, I hate dark water. I hate not knowing what is swimming around me. I hate feeling like the bottom is thousands of feet below. And I mostly hate that I have the craziest imagination and saw the movie "Jaws" when I was little. I always think there is a shark in that water!

4. Which came first- the chicken or the egg?
The scientist who created the egg.

5. What is your favorite leisure activity?

Having a "Will & Grace" or "Sex & the City" marathon in my pajamas, eating raw chocolate chip cookie dough and drinking orange juice with LOTS of pulp! Yea that is right, Orange juice goes with everything!

6. Describe a time when you got in really big trouble.
Honestly, the only time I got in trouble was when I called my dad stupid because he wouldn't let me help him with the groceries. He spanked me good. I was 2.

7. What about your personality do you wish you could change?
Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a home body. I envy people with these active social lives and the big group of friends they have. All the vacations and events they do together. It looks like so much fun. I use to complain that I never had that, but I am too much of a relax at home person to care about that. Can't have both things I guess.

8. What are you vain about?
My skin. It went through a lot with acne about a year ago. I couldn't calm the shit down and finally it's at a reasonable level. I still have marks and pretty fair skin. So when I do get a pimple, which I seem to have at least one a week, you can certainly see it without make up. I always try to make sure that the color is at least even. When I sleep over my boyfriend's house, I'll sleep with concealer on and when I wake, I'll rush to the mirror to make sure my spots aren't as red.

So now it is your turn to answer my questions, Marianne, Rachel W, Amy, Ashley, Vic, Novelista Barista, Miss Vintage Vixen, and Heather. And Here they are:

1. What do you want to be when you grow up?
2. Tell us an embarrassing story of you.
3. What is your single girl activity. You know, that one thing you do alone but wouldn't want your boyfriend/husband knowing you do it.
4. A Billion dollars and alone forever? or $10,000 and have a love that will last a life time?
5. One thing you cannot live without.
6. One thing you hate about blogging.
7. What are you OCD about?
8. Name on celebrity you would love to go on a date with.

Pieces of me

2010-10-04T08:21:00.001-07:00

I almost said it.

2010-10-03T15:28:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone that commented on my last post about the exercise "joke" or whatever. I think he knew that it was wrong because not only did he never bring it up but he continuously made a point to remind me how beautiful I am and how gorgeous my body is. So I think he gets it. I'll let it go but if he does bring it up, I will have to really talk about it with him.

Besides that stupid little speed bump, everything is going amazing with boyfriend. I'm constantly surprised how it feels like it keeps getting better and better. Is that even possible? It has been going so well that last night I almost said it. I almost said, "I love you."

It was at the tip of my tongue, racing through my mind. I wanted to so badly to say it; I almost blurted it out once. I was freakin having a mental war with myself.

"Stasia, just say - Boyfriend, I love you....do it.....no....just do it.....i love you....do it....but....i love you, boy friend i love you...ok, I'm going to do it...no wait....JUST SAY IT DAMN IT!"

Oh my god. It shouldn't be this hard! What am I so afraid of? Ok, really, that was a stupid question. I'm terrified he won't say it back. But that is stupid too because I really feel he feels the same way, so why can't I just say it having the faith that it will be said in returned. Aye, I'm so pathetic. This war I had wasn't just one moment, it was the entire weekend. And it was even worse when we had our intimate moments together. Not just sex but those intimate moments where you realize how lucky you are to have him in your life. Yea...killer!

I wonder if he is going through the same thing or if I'm the only crazy one.

P.S. I saw "The Social Network". Great movie. Very interesting and I'd love to know how much of it was true and how much was for entertainment purposes.

Saying Sorry. Is there more ways to say it without actually saying it?

2010-10-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

I've noticed that boyfriend has issues saying "sorry" to little things. I hope doesn't mean he will have a problem saying sorry to the big things. But then again, I'm always over thinking things.

This morning I woke up and text him letting him know that I needed some alone time and that I would prefer to get together later in the evening. Throughout our convo, he mentioned something about us going bike riding because "I need the exercise." This isn't the first time he has said that I needed the exercise. Before I use to roll my eyes and just "whatever" it not thinking anything of it. Then I started to defend myself in little ways. I mean, I work out 4 to 5 days a week, I don't need damn exercise on the weekend if I don't want it. But at the end of it all, I still rolled my eyes and whatevered it.

I don't know if it was because I just woke up or because it was the very reason why I needed alone time or maybe it was combine with the fact that last week he made a "joke" about my belly fat. Which by the way, I immediately snapped back and said, "Don't talk about my belly fat when you've got it all over you too." Either way, after his remark this morning, I said something along the lines of, "Is this the part where I am suppose to ask if you think I'm fat?" He just texted a smiley face and said, "I'm just trying to keep you in shape to you can shake it like JLO."

Whether he was joking or not, I wasn't having it. I let him know that my body is my body and it's my responsibility. I don't need anyone helping me with anything. He said he was just playing with me and I accepted it as just play. But at the same time he needed to know that it wasn't ok, which I told him. He was simply saying it too much and it wasn't sitting well.

At that point I thought he would say something like, "Oh no, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." But no. I waited for what seemed like 5 minutes for a response. Now, I admit, texting is never a good way to have a conversation, let alone using it as a way to make a point, but it happened and I couldn't ignore it. I just don't understand why he couldn't just say that is not what he meant for me to think.

Finally, I receive a text saying how he was looking forward to seeing me today. Seriously? This is your way of getting past this? This was then followed up with the dorkiest kissy face ever. I realized that this was his way of apologizing. It was at least his attempt of making it up to me.

Ugh. Men.

Is verbalizing an apology necessary or can we accept their stupid gestures?

Thursday is over!

2010-10-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

I think part of my really bad and tired mood yesterday had to do with my subconscious.

My supervisor is such a negative, shit talking, unrealistic asshole. He likes to make people feel bad about themselves and will put them down any chance he gets. Here is the kicker - he does it because he knows he can; everyone is afraid of him. Um...not me. I don't give a shit and I've been the only one to stand up for myself when necessary. I won't put up with that. So he has been cleary getting under my skin and I'm just counting down the days he retires.

So Mr. Dick went on a vacation and told me that I need to check out of all my minor dances by thursday. So by checking out that means I have to know and dance all of the figures for both man and woman. Now there are about 20 figures in each dance and I have 6 dances to check out of. He was very aware that I knew about 75% of 4 of the dances and didnt know 2 of them. The 2 that I didnt know, he hardly knows and hates showing me them so I obviously had work cut out for me. Any time he mentioned this, I just said "we will see". I know i could get most of them done but by the time it came down to the two, I couldnt give much confidence towards. Therefore we'll see.

Oh and by the way, one of his main reasons for this deadline is the fact that HE doesn't want to do this anymore (teach me the dances).

It has been a slow week in lessons for me and I have been spending every hour possible memorizing these dances. I've been cramming, dancing, checking out one after one. You know how mentally exhausting it could be to study for hours at a time. Well, imagine doing all that studying but physically moving at the same time. Sure dancing is fun, but that kind of work is exhausting and stressful. On top of that, I really didnt want to deal with his shit when he comes back.

Thursday comes a long. My eye is twitching, i have a cramp in my neck, I'm physically and mentally exhausted; I've check out of work. I was done. I was done with 3 dances and I had 3 more on the list. In fact, yesterday I spent all day working on one of those 2 dances to get that out of the way. Well, Mr. Dick comes in and says, "Maybe if you would have taken this seriously, you would have checked out of mambo."

I shot him the nastiest look and said, "I'm not even going to fuckin respond to that." and went back to doing what I was doing.

As expectd, he just made a joke that I wanted to shank him. See, that is what he does. He wants to make you feel bad, but when you shoot something back he chokes up and sticks his tail between his legs.

Whatever.

I hope he retires, nows! Get the hell out. We don't need you here.

Plus, I want your job.

Where are you Friday?

2010-09-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

My brain is fried.

It's on overload. Too much to learn in so little time, I'm afraid I've disappointed because I've missed my deadline.

When I stand I get dizzy.

After I can see again, my face starts to tingle.

I want to sleep.

I'm trying really hard to be positive.

2 more days. I can get through it.

A little dramatic, I know.

But God-fuckin-damn it, I'm TIRED!

A piece of me

2010-09-28T10:41:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry. I'd really love to help you but...I don't wanna.

2010-09-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

So about a year ago, I hooked up with this guy that was visiting AZ from Jersey. No, he wasn't a fist pumping Guido. He looked more like a Puerto Rican fist pumping Guido. What ever, he was hot - at the time. It's funny who is attractive to you once you're in a relationship.

Anyway, not the point.

We hardly kept in contact. A text here or there, no biggie. In all honesty, I expected to never hear from him again and sometimes I prefer it that way. To me, it's weird. It's ok to have a very shallow convo with someone you don't really know, but lets not pretend we know each other. I don't care to hear about your family and I don't care to tell you about mine.

Yesterday I received a text asking if I could do him a favor and out of curiosity I ask what he wanted. What could I possibly do for someone thousands of miles away? Apparently, he has a good friend out here for work and wants me to be his tour guide. Um...ok...lets evaluate: He wants me (someone he hardly knows) to call his friend (someone I DON'T know) to be show him around (something I really don't care about).

But let's be honest, aside from the fact that I really don't care about helping this guy, I also don't think I can provide that much help. I've been here for a year and I've gone out maybe 7 times. I didn't really have the company to go out with and when I finally did, I found a boyfriend that I'd like to spend a good amount of only free time with. Boyfriend and I have opposite work schedules, we hardly get to talk to each other during the week, so do I really want to go out with a stranger when I can have Pizza Saturday with my boo? Plus, I'm really sure he wouldn't really be fond of that idea.

Whatever.

I just think it's funny that he would think I would do something like that. I mean, I don't even care about you why would I care about your dearest friend?

That sounds a little bitchy.

Are you following me??

2010-09-27T11:10:00.001-07:00

My Twittle Life @xoanastasia

"Someone should have told me you can't put underwear in the microwave."

2010-09-26T19:37:00.000-07:00

The other weekend, I slept over boyfriend's house and forgot to pack an extra pair of underwear. So I hand washed my current pair and put it in the dryer while I was in the shower. When I check the dryer afterwards, it was empty. Nothing was there. My freakin underwear was gone. Obviously, my panties didn't grow a pair of legs and walk away, boyfriend hid them. After questioning him for a minute he finally says, "I don't know where they are. Did you check the microwave?" What the hell? Why would my underwear be in the microwave? Whatever. I check the microwave and there they are.

After wearing them for an hour, at the breakfast table, boyfriend decides to tell me that he put them in the microwave and actually turned it on but quickly had to turn it off because it started to smoke. He thought it would be nice of him to "keep them warm" aka taking another ooportunity to be a pain in my butt.

It turns out that the microwave burned a HOLE in my $20, Calvin Klein, no show underwear. I never spend that much money on underwear but I bought them with a purpose. Every now and then I'll wear a tight dress and my only option is to wear a thong. And to be honest, sometimes I want my entire ass covered which is why I bought these practical yet expensive panties. And now, there goes $20 down the hole - the hole in my underwear.

I really wanted to be upset with him because they were one of my favorite pairs but at the same time, it was too funny to be angry.

My boyfriend burned a hole through my underwear because he put them in the microwave. Who can be upset with that?

My Favorite " Sex & the City" Quote

2010-09-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.

Carrie

And the award goes to...

2010-09-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't gotten a blog award in a while but when I do, I got two!! How cool is that? It happened to be the same exact one so I don't have do double the work to pass it on. I know, I'm lazy. So thank you, Cupcakes & Caviar and nostaligi'art for passing this along to me.

So before I pass this along to 9 other bloggers, I'll have to grace you with 7 facts about myself.

Fact: If it had the same nutritional value as water, I would drink Orange Juice to stay hydrated.

Fact: I have an obsession with keeping my lips lubed with chap stick.

Fact: Along with that obsessions, I need to be lotioned every 10 minutes.

Fact: My idea of a great day is staying in my PJs and having a "Will & Grace", "Friends" or "Sex & the City" marathon. All the while munching on cookie dough and eating Velveeta Mac & Cheese.

Fact: I always feel like someone is following me. I'm semi-paranoid of life.

Fact: I treat dogs like people. It's a problem.

Fact: I love going to psychics and I have a bit a "gift" myself.

9 Bloggers Who Deserve the "Lovely Blog Award" are:

Heather @ Boyfirend Challenged

Marianne @ Married to the Mirror

Island Girl @ NYC Island Girl

Rachel W. @ The Diary of a Dreamer

Rachel @ Anything he can do I can do funnier

Ashely @ Ashley Amazing

Kisekae @ diary of a doll

Vic @ freckles & fudge

JoJo @ One Sassy Vixen

So Check them out!!

A piece of me

2010-09-21T22:23:00.001-07:00

A piece of me

2010-09-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

Modeling Part II...sort of.

2010-09-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

If you have been following me on twitter then you probably saw this:

My mom has been in love with taking pictures for the longest time. It was definitely her biggest passion. She has been wanting to put it to good use for years now which she has finally done; she just started her own business. Part of the process of starting her own business is getting some pictures together for her online portfolio and flyers. She asked boyfriend and I to pose for her and some of the pictures came out great.

I'm very proud of my mom. =)

100th Follower!!!

2010-09-17T22:58:00.000-07:00

*YAY*

Thanks to Kate for being my 100th follower! Check her blog out at "Simply Kate".

And of course, thanks to all of my followers and all of you bloggers for taking part in this crazy, seperate, internet world. I never really saw myself being a blogger. It was something I tried in high school and it didn't last. When I started really blogging for the first time, it was something I needed for presence, purpose and maybe even a little validation that my life was meaningful. Sounds dumb, but it is what it is. And now my blogging has evolved into something greater and I've met some great friends along the way.

Happy Blogging!

The story of the one who peed in a plastic bag

2010-09-16T08:08:00.001-07:00

I had just finished working out when my sister called me to pick her up from the mall. When I work out, I drink A LOT of water! I probably drank more than 32oz that on particular moment. I get in the car all sweaty and exhausted, which is never pleasant when you can’t use the AC because the car would over heat.

I'm driving in a sticky and humid uncomfortable environment and suddenly I get a message from mybrain saying “YOU NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM NOW!!!” Ok, no problem. The mall is only 20 mins, I can hold it. WRONG! There was traffic and what should have been 20 minutes, really turned into an hour. I was fuming; I was hot, sweaty, and in pain, FML.

I didn’t want to pull over because the streets were so small and the cars were so close, everyone would see my blinding white ass. At one point, I looked over to my purse and actually contemplated of taking a nice piss in it, but unfortunately the purse I had was all cotton so I knew that wouldn’t help.

I grabbed a plastic Wal Mart and accepted that this is what my life had to come to. Peeing in a shopping bag. The only problem was that there was a hole at the bottom. For whatever reason, my mind wasn’t thinking very clearly. I was too desperate to logically conclude that the best way for this to work was to tie know at the bottom. Instead, I believed that if I put napkins at the bottom, the napkins would slow down the leaking process and there would be a less spillage in the passenger seat (which by the way was the scene of the crime). Of course, the napkins didn’t help and everything went ALL over the seat. I was so PISSED!

I picked up my sister in the mall all angry cuz I just peed in the car and on myself. She wanted to sit in the front and of course she had to ask what happened. My response: "I SPILLED JUICE." haha yea, ok. It's a funny story now, but at the time and I quickly got over the embarassment but who pees in a bag with a hole in it and puts napkins at the bottom thinking that would kill time??

Clearly, I'm retarded when I'm desperate.

Why are guys so freakin dumb?

2010-09-13T22:42:00.001-07:00

Here is a little background info before I go into my question, Why are guys so freakin dumb?

Boyfriend sleep walks. It's very creepy but I've gotten use to it. The other night, I woke up to him holding my stomach and he was looking over me. He stood there for like a minute and then turned around and laid back down. I asked him what that was about and he said, "I had a dream that a baby was rolling off of there." Then said something about us switching places and went back to sleep. I figured since he said he "had a dream" that he was awake but apparently it was all a "sleep walk".

So today he text me saying that he lost his fan remote and was wondering if I hid it. I didn't and we both assumed maybe he slept walked and misplaced it. I sent him a text saying:

"Maybe it was your self conscious doing me a favor and saving me from the fan." I HATE it! It's always so cold.

His response: "No, I was protecting the baby."

Me: "Oh. Did you put a bumper on your bed so it wouldn't fall off?" Referrring to the other day of course.

BF: "hush."

Me: "Maybe you were holding my belly to feel it kick." again, a joke.

BF: "Uh...let's change subject about babies. Not ready quite yet."

WHAT THE HELL?!

I was completely taken off guard by this. I have refrained from making any kind of baby jokes, married jokes, love jokes...any kind of jokes that men would "fear" for this very reason. The only reason why I was doing it this time was because he started them. He started the baby jokes this time and before. So I figured he was ok to joke about these things without getting all weird.

I know there are women out there that are this way, but I was almost offended that he would even think I would imply some sort of thing. I told him that he can relax because I'm joking. I haven't even considered having children with him. I'm not like that. I haven't picked out my wedding dress or baby names, so he can calm the hell down.

I think he felt kind of dumb (and I hope he did) because when I said I haven't picked out my baby names he said "Oh you don't? I have." Oh, so now it's ok to talk about this shit? Listen, yes, I am a girl and I fantasize. I've had vague visions of what my wedding would be like or how many kids I would have but it's not realistic. That's a fantasy and there is another factor involve that you can't take into consideration unitl you have it; the man!

I know his reaction wasn't personal. It's a "guy thing" and who knows what kind of women he has dealt with but it still bothered me. It just bothers me that suddenly I was being thought of as a "typical" dreaming female who demands a ring after 5 dates. It bothers me that he felt it was ok to make jokes or imply future scenarios of our relationship (ie. Living together, marriage, family stuff) and when I make a comment or joke all of a sudden I'm rushing things or freaking him out.

Whatever. Why are guys so freakin dumb?

"Party in the USA" at Arthur Murray's

2010-09-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

In May, our studio and other competing studios, had what we call the "International Dance Festival". It's generally just another way to spark excitement in the studio since things can get a little monotonous. We pick different themed weeks, have contests and incentives. Here is one of the weeks that I posted.

Anyway, A few us came up with the idea to make a video to "Party in the USA" with all of outfits. At the time we thought it was hilarious and just had a great time with it. Well, a million months later, I finally found some inspiration and edit it all together.

"Party in th USA" with Arthur Murray from xoanastasiabee on Vimeo.

Haha. What do you think? We had two other outfits but the videos messed up. Oh well, next time!

love. who is going to say it first?

2010-09-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

I think I'm in love but I'm afraid to tell him.

There have been many times where I've almost blurt it out. There are many times when I look at him, I'm saying it in my head. But I'm worried he doesn't feel the same. What I'm most scared about it is saying it and freaking him out.

There have been times where I felt that the feelings were mutual. But why isn't he saying it? It's the perfect time!! Obviously, if he is holding it back, it's probably for the same reasons.

I honestly don't know if I would be hurt if he didn't feel the same. I'm not sure how I would feel. This is the first time I've felt this way about a person. Hell, this is my first relationship. I just don't want to scare him.

What would you do? What did you do? When do you feel like it's the right time to tell the person you love how you feel? I wouldn't even know how to say it. Do I just say, "Hey fucker, I love you." or should preface it with a dramatic speech before I blurt the words.

Ah, why is this so hard?!

life defined through a pencil

2010-09-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

A pencil can do more than just erase; it can tell you all about life. Most pencil looks the same, but what matters most about a pencil is the inside - the lead. You can dress it up, change the colors, of the exterior but it's the inside the counts. The lead may be weak, but you can't tell just by looking at it. A purpose of a pencil is to make marks, marks through life, but at the very end of a pencil is an eraser. The eraser allows us to clear out any unwanted marks and start over. When the pencil tip breaks, what do we do? We sharpen it. Sharpening is a necessary yet painful process the pencil has to go through in order to start over and get better.

A student told me this story the other day and it's amazing how something so simple can explain something so complex.

Bill Gates speech: 11 rules your kids did not and will not learn in school

2010-09-09T10:52:00.000-07:00

My boss read this to us in a meeting yesterday. I loved it and thought I would share...

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Blog layout problems...

2010-09-06T21:34:00.001-07:00

I've having this problem where my "blog posts" in the page elements of the design section is repeated twice. Hence the reason for my double blog posts. I don't know how to fix this. This has been that way with every layout i've tried. Does anyone have any idea how to tackle this??

Thanks.

It's time to meet the parents.

2010-09-05T20:26:00.001-07:00

For those of you that have been following, know that this is my first relationship. Boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 3 months and I couldn't be any happier. I knew that this moment was going to come, especially since my dad has been harassing me to introduce him to boyfriend. However, I guess I kept thinking that boyfriend would postpone the topic for as long as possible. And then yesterday happened.

He told me he wants us to have dinner with the parents or else his mom will keep borthering. Ha, I guess it's a parents thing. I acted cool and said it sounded like fun. I mean, there is a part of me that is cool about. Then a small part that is excited. I'm excited that things are going in this direction and boyfriend feels the same way that I do. But then there is a small part that wishes we could be a secret forever so that I wouldn't have to go through the nerve wracking firsts.

I'm not so concerned with making a bad impression. I feel like his parents will like me. I'm just worried about not having anything to talk about. Eh :/

We haven't set a date yet, so I have time to not shit myself until I get there. How did your meeting the parents go for the first time?

My Mom + Bestey Johnson = ♥

2010-09-04T13:44:00.000-07:00

The other day my mom stopped my place before work and brought by a little gift. She was in Marshalls, saw these shoes and thought me. How lucky am i?!

Leopard Print Bestey Pumps

How cute is this? Tying a bow to keep your shoes on.

And of course, the hot pink sole just completes the statement.

I love my mom!

so after thinking about this stupid dress situation..

2010-09-03T10:27:00.000-07:00

I've decided to suck it up and do the shows. I could stand my ground and tell her "fuck no" and if she wasn't so directly related to my job and the people I know, I probably wouldn't care so much. But really, at the end of the day....its a situation over a dress and the drama is unnecessary. It's that stupid.

But don't me wrong, I'm not happy with this or her. I don't appreciate her poor business practices and the fact that she feels it's ok to take advantage of me and my time. And Saturday when I go do her show, I am literally running in and out. Dresses on and off and I'm gone. We're not friends. Depending on when her next show is, I may be able to get away with avoiding it. You know, being "so busy" and all. Either way, after that, I'm done with favors for her and that's it.

She has made it clear to me what kind of business woman she is and I have no interest in working for her unless if I am getting compensated. And that's of course if I'm not still holding a grudge. It may not even be worth it to me if I'm still pissed. And being a stubborn Taurus, it's very likely to be the case.

So anyway, that is what I will be doing early Saturday. Hope ya'll have a great weekend.

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Lesson Learned - Never do anything for free. Doing favors gets you no where.

2010-09-02T08:56:00.000-07:00

About two months ago, I mentioned that I was doing a favor for Julia, Rhythm dancer champion now ballroom dress maker. Post here and here .

Long story short, I was asked to model some dresses for her trunk show and take pictures for her website. I was not compensated for any of my time and I didn't ask. She approached me as a favor and I did it as a favor. No problem.

As showcase was getting closer, I realized I didn't have anything to wear for my Waltz routine and I didn't know what to do. I went next store to the dress shop and spoke to one of Julia's people who is responsible for the business side of things. I inquired on some information on renting a dress, which I even said I wasn't even sure if I could afford. I just wanted to know what that was like. She said that they stopped renting dresses because it wasn't worth getting them back in the condition they were in. Fine. End of story.

When I told a coworker that, she was surprised because in the past, with any girl that has done her the favor of doing her show or photoshoots, Julia has always either paid them or allowed them to borrow a dress in return. I was offered neither. Fine, no big deal.

Immediately after that convo, the woman I spoke to in the office came back and said "Julia said you can borrow a dress since you did the show for her." Ok, cool. I have a dress now.

Day after showcase - I return the dress to the woman I originally spoke with and she says to me "Did Julia tell you that you were renting the dress?"

NO!

"ok, never mind. Maybe there was a miscommunication. I have to talk to her and make sure she had no intention on charging."

She comes back a day later saying something that Julia would never let someone borrow a dress and that I can either - get this - pay her back or do two more of her trunk shows.

You have got to be fucking kidding me? First off all, YOU made the mistake, not me. YOU could have let it go being that I did do you two favors already. And doing that stupid fucking show/shoot did nothing for me. I didn't get anything out of it.

It just pisses that this is so petty. If I can "pay her back" by doing two of her trunk shows (which I was willing to do beforehand) then obviously, "accidentally" borrowing the dress this time was never that big of deal in the first place. What the fuck?

..and I was bare naked.

2010-09-01T08:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was caught in a bare naked moment. Not literally, but the embarrassed feeling you would get if you were.

So some of you may not know, Boyfriend and I, technically are not allowed to date. I'm a teacher, he's a student and there is no fraternizing. However, I did speak with my boss who gave me permission and we are all under the same agreement that no noticeable changes will occur AND it will remain silent from the rest of the company, until necessary. With that said, only them and my good friend at work knows.

Since day one of starting at my studio, boyfriend has always sent texts to my boss making fun of me. It's practically tradition. Yesterday, after my lesson, I come into the meeting and my boss greets me with a "Wipe you chin." My immediate response to wipe my chin but of course ask why. Well, apparently boyfriend text boss to tell me this. I was confused by this message. Everyone else was confused by this message. And of course there was some comments by others and myself that this message didn't sound very appropriate (as a joke of course).

I guess my boss texted him back asking what that was about because a minute later he says to me, "he said you are a messy eater." Of course, I said "What?!" because honestly, I had no idea what boyfriend was talking about. I'm not a messy eater, he doesn't make fun of me for being one, so I was confused as to where this was coming from. But I didn't have too much time to dwell on the confusion because my supervisor, who is known for thinking in the gutter, responds with a "sounds like you two are 'woo-hoo'" using his hands to imply sex.

Oh my god, my heart dropped and I was mortified. I know nobody knows, but because it is true, it still makes me turn red. I try to act normal, but I know if anyone knew me good enough they would know something was up by my reaction alone. Fortuantly, I don't think that is the case.

Pretending to not be in a relationship with a man I'm crazy about is so difficult. But at the same time, I know not much good can come out of everyone knowing. ugh, It's going to be a sticky situation when it does come out. but let's not go there...

Have you ever had a secret relationship?

Music Monday

2010-08-30T09:48:00.001-07:00

I'm so excited Katy Perry is back. I loved her before her first album, loved her after she kissed girls and now with her "Teenage Dream". I haven't gotten her new album, however, I do plan on it. But in the mean time, enjoy one of my new favorite songs...

After a year of blogging...no satisfaction.

2010-08-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

For the past couple months, I've been hitting a blogger's block. I've been trying to find anything I could just to blog about and my entries haven't had much substance. And the one thing that I love about reading blogs, is that you can get close to someone, you can relate to a perfect stranger and be able to share laughs and tears with. But I'm not allowing that.

When I first started my blog, I wanted to be open with an element of privacy. Kind of defeats the purpose, huh? However, a year ago (I can't believe it's been a year), I had very little things going on in my life. I just graduated college, moved to a new state, had no friends or a love life. I was struggling to build my own life but didn't have many intimate things to share. Now, I love my job, have some great friends, a great boyfriend, my own place...my life is manifesting and I'm not sure where to draw the line of privacy.

I find myself trying to be so private that posts become very general and boring. For my next year of blogging, I've decided to make some changes. I've hit a great, new chapter in my life and I want to share that. It will still be struggle to figure out where to draw the line, but with more awareness and effort, I think it can happen.

How do you share on your blog?

P.S. Does anyone know of a place/person where I can reasonably purchase a layout?

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 19 (My Dance VIdeo)

2010-08-25T08:35:00.000-07:00

I've skipped a few days, accidentally and on purpose. Some I didn't have the answer too and others I just didn't care for. It wouldn't have made a good enough post anyway.

A lot has been going on since my last post....I've been so busy putting so much energy into showcase, getting our students involved, the actual day itself and my performance was nerve racking. Then finding out some info about my mom's health put me over the edge. I'll go into details about that later.

Fortunately, the only thing that kept me sane was my routine with a coworker. We performed it at showcase; I'm not thrilled about it but I don't care too much either. I'm really hard on myself and I'll tear myself to pieces, but on the bright side, this is the only performance that I've felt most accomplished doing.

So here it is: My Hobby, Dancing...

Summer Showcase

2010-08-22T10:31:00.001-07:00

Last night was our showcase with all the dance studios. Oh boy. It was fun but very exhausting. This is probably the one thing I hate about my job; my position is to start students off on a program and then pass them along to the teachers. Which means when these events come, I don't have students to dance with. Which means, I'm there for 10 hours doing nothing but cheering. BOOOORRRING!

However, this year I did get to keep on fabulous student, his name is Ray.

Ray is 79, who recently lost his wife and is absolutely adorable. He is such a sweetheart and a pleasure to keep around. So we did a few heats, but still not enough to keep me busy. I did do a pretty good routine with a co-worker, Freddie. When I get a copy of the video I'll post it. But in the mean time, here are some pictures to share with the bunch.

Some of my pictures from my routine...

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 16

2010-08-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

I skipped 15 because it was dumb. A dream house? Who really has a picture in their head of what they want their house to be? Some people I guess. There are just certain future things that I just can't picture until I am actually there. Even a wedding. I can't really picture my wedding or even my dress. There are things that I want as apart of the reception, but I don't actually have a wedding set out.

But anyway, moving on...

So a song that has made me cry and could still make me cry if I was already in the emotional state would be this one:

"One Sweet Day" Boys II Men Ft. Mariah Carey.

This song came out during the time my cousin died, which is why he holds so much emotional power for me. Regardless, if in the right emotional state, I think it could make anyone cry.

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 14

2010-08-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

Again, I'm really not crazy about this day either but I can say that when I do read, I love autobiographies. I love reading about people, how they struggled through life and made it through with a smile and success. It's very empowering and inspirational to read about normal people with extraordinary lives.

One of my favorite, touching books was the story on Janice Dickinson.

Most of you know her as a crazy, diva, bitch and you are not far off with that. However, reading her book will not only explain why she is the way she is but appreciate what she had to go through. She went through a lot growing up but what I love about her is she had such drive to become what she wanted to be. Yea, she made a lot of mistakes through out the way but at the end of the day, she is a person like everyone else and had to learn from them.

You should definitely pick up the book....she's a very interesting person.

Are there any other auto-bios that you guys love? I do need a new inspirational book to pick up.

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 13

2010-08-17T10:16:00.001-07:00

This blog post seems a little repetitive. A fictional book? We just spoke about books on Day 4. I'm not a huge book person, especially fiction ones. I prefer autobiographies so I'm just going to leave it as is...same book different day.

However, off topic, there has been something I've been meaning to share. Last week, my boss gave us this little passage for inspiration which was something I truly needed. I was going through a hard time and this certainly got me through it.

More Determined than ever
Let your high expectations push you forward. But don't let them create disappointments that hold you back.

It's great when you expect the best. But it's important to keep in mind that you won't get all the way there immediately, on the first attempt.

When you're disappointed by the results, that's no reason to give up your high expectations. On the contrary, it's a good time to recommit yourself to those high expectations and perhaps to even raise them a bit.

Instead of being discouraged by less than spectacular results, be encouraged by the fact that you're aiming so high. Double down on your expectations by becoming more determined than ever.

You won't instantly achieve what you set out to achieve. The fact that it will take a while to reach makes your goal all the more valuable.

Expect the best and if you fail to get it, continue to expect the best. Eventually you'll reach the goal, and it will be will worth all you positive persistence.

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 12

2010-08-16T10:44:00.000-07:00

I am obsessed with Chapstick!
I wake up, I apply.
Go to bed, I apply.
After eating, apply.
Brush teeth, apply.
After working out, apply.
After talking, apply.
During talking, apply.

Any slight feeling of dryness, I apply.

I'm so obsessed that I have a box of 50 in my drawer. If I misplace one, run out unexpectly...no worries, 49 to go!

haha. What are you OCD about?

I'm starting to fall and I don't mind the feeling.

2010-08-15T16:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have the boyfriend I have. It's so funny, I spent so many years being single, never being in a relationship and being sad over it. Now, I am blessed to be a very loving relationship and I can't remember what it was like to be alone. It actually feels like we've been together longer than we have been (this month will be 3 months). I guess that partly has to do with the fact that we had been sizing each other up 3 months prior to seeing each other.

Being new in a relationship, I sometimes worry about how it's going and if it's "normal when...", but today I realized there was nothing to worry about. Normal or not, I just need to relax, have fun and let it fall into place. Yesterday, was the day where all my concerns and questions were answered.

It just feels good and natural to be with him. And I found out he told his mom about me and showed her a picture of me. Sounds dumb but I was relieved and happy to know he liked me that much to share it with his family. He is definitely the kind of person who will not say something unless he feels it's worth it. He also talked about planning a mini San Diego trip together. He has been hinting at it for a while and finally mentioned it today. We're not really sure when we will go, but one day...

I'm just a happy little girl who has a great boyfriend for the first time! :D

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 11

2010-08-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

Today is a recent photo of me. I actually happened to take a photo today when I was out bowling with the boyfriend. He was kind of retarded with my camera phone and it felt like eternity to take a picture. I was tired of waiting and made a face. Of course, when he finally does snap the picture it's when I look like this...

haha. Whatever.

30 day Blog Journal: Day 10

2010-08-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

This is the post where I put up photos of me 10 years ago, however, I don't think I have pictures me when I was 14 on my computer. But I did find these...

My cousin & I

Being silly as usual.

Girl Power! Spice Girls!!

I'm a model = the photo results.

2010-08-13T23:02:00.000-07:00

Last month I mentioned that I was doing a trunk show for Julia, Rhythm Champion Dancer extraordinaire, as well as modeling for her website. If you have no idea what I am talking about and would like to catch up, here is the post.

Anyway, I got a copy of all 300 and something photos and I've decided to put some up to share. Hope you like!

Note: All the dresses I am wearing are Latin dresses (Rumba, Cha Cha, Mambo, Samba). The animal print shoot was for her intro page of her animal inspired dresses. And it's picture heavy.

30 day Blog Journal: Day 9

2010-08-13T22:59:00.000-07:00

A Photo I took....

Well, this past christmas I took a picture to get myself ready for next years christmas cards....

What do you think? LOL.

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 8

2010-08-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

So today I am suppose to post a picture that makes me sad/angry. But being that I try very hard to stay positive, especially since these past few weeks have been very hard for me, I am not going to follow through with this post. Sorry readers, but not this time!

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 7

2010-08-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

A photo (or in my case, photos) that make me happy....

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 6

2010-08-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

My 20 Favorite Things

1. My Doggies

2. My Job

3. Dancing

4. My Shoe Closet

5. Indian Food

6. Movies

7. My "Will & Grace" series collection

8. My sony digital camera

9. My macbook laptop

10. Blogging

11. Spending time with Boyfriend

12. My Apartment

13. Hiking the Arizona Mountains

14. Vacations

15. Michael Jackson's music

16. Orange Juice

17. Pizza Saturday

18. Rainy Day, Movie Day

19. Little Kids

20. Astrolgoy

...and that's basically it, folks!

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 5

2010-08-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

There are a bunch of quotes that I love. In fact, before I took my hiatus from blogging, I use to post a quote each month. You can check them out here. That reminds me, I need to keep doing that. But there have only been two that I can always remember are...

What we do does not define us. What defines us is how well we rise after falling.

I'd hate to compare your head to a butt plug, but it spends a lot of time up your ass.

I don't know the person who said these, but they always stuck.

What are your favorite quotes?

P.S. Be sure to check out Jennifer's 30 Day Blog Journal over at Starving, Insatiable...

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 4

2010-08-08T10:38:00.000-07:00

I don't read as often as I should but I do try to make an effort on spending my summer catching up on some good books. Although, this summer I really didn't do much of that. However, out of all the books I've had to read and chose to read, "Flowers in the Attic" by V.C. Andrews was definitely my favorite by far.

I think I was in middle school when my mom gave me the book and I remember having that book glued to my hand for the next three days. I followed up with the story with her sequels, but the first one was the best.

Have any of you read the book?

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 3

2010-08-07T15:24:00.000-07:00

I know the past 2 days have been difficult for me to pick a favorite, but when it comes to TV shows, picking a favorite is very easy for me. In fact, my name "Anastasia B." is short for Anastasia Beaverhausen, Karen's Alias. I swear, I have the entire collection and watch it from beginning to end multiple times a month.

"Will & Grace" will always be my favorite show.

Ah...the good times!

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 2

2010-08-06T08:18:00.000-07:00

Favorite movie....

hmm....

I've been staring at my computer for 20 minutes trying to come up with a movie and I can't think of one. I love movies; I can have movie day every day but I'm just not a "favorite" person.

Ah ha! There is one movie that I completely adore and always feel inspired when it's done. And that's "The Pursuit of Happyness".

If you can't watch that movie and feel completely inspired and touched to pursue your dreams, then you are made of ice. Ok, maybe not. But emotionally, this movie gets me.

Have You seen it yet?

Be sure to check out The Diary of a Dreamer and Misguided Me for their 30 day Blog Journals.

Hey Poodle, who's your daddy? You are.

2010-08-06T00:55:00.000-07:00

If you are a "Will & Grace" fan, you will understand my title.

But today was my poodle's 21st birthday. Lynn & I, basically went all out for him. She came in early and added streamers to his desk, "Jack" confetti on top, she bought him a birthday light up pin. He loved it. I bought him a small boque of roses (because he demanded flowers on his bday lol), a giant singing Miley Cyrus balloon and some fun things for his desk and his students.

I love birthdays. It makes me realize how much I love people and no matter how broke I am, I'll spend money like it grows on trees. I'm probably going to miss eating this upcoming week, but atleast I made my poodle smile.

30 Day Blog Journal: Day 1

2010-08-05T11:57:00.000-07:00

It is truly difficult for me to pick my favorite song ever. If you've followed my music Mondays, then you know I typically end up with favorites for the week, month or some times day. All I can say is that my favorite artist ever is and will always be, Michael Jackson.

There are many Michael favorites, but I picked this song specifically because "I remembered the time" I first saw it on TV. haha Corny, I know. But I fell in love with the song and video while I sat on the floor of my living room.

Gosh, I just love MJ!!

30 Day Blog Journal

2010-08-05T11:51:00.000-07:00

I go this Ha ha. Wait. What? (which by the way, I love the title) who go it from bloggers before her.

Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of my favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where I live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - my worst habit
Day 28 - whats in my handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future

This is going to be a lot of fun. Spread the word and do one yourself!! And if you do a 30 day blog journal, I will be sure to direct everyone to your days. So definitely let me know!!

Inspiration

2010-08-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

I've been having really stressful moments at work, which I emotionally and physically have not been handlng well. I think I finally found something to get me out of the whole and look forward.

I decided to create my own formation (group routine) with the students for an upcoming an event. I'm so freaking excited! But the best part is, here is my inspiration....

If I have enough males, I want to have an Austin, Dr. Evil, Fat Bastard, Goldmember...I want fembots and 70's GoGo girls. I'm going to be Cleopatra. It's going to be so good and so much fun. And the best part is, it is going to be my first cheorographed piece (with some help I'm sure).

I can't wait! We start in September!!!

Putting my goals on cyber paper

2010-08-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

Lately there are few goals that have been running in my head and I really need to get them out. I want to write them down so that they are clear on what I want, figure out what I need to do to get there and to tell people. If you don't tell people, then they are never real.

1. I want to win the All American Challenge as a specialist. We currently have a contest between all of our studios to see who is the best in their position. Right now we did a test within our studio and the winners in that will go on to a test with another studio. The top person out of that from each category, will participate in a huge competition in California with other studios. That winner will win $2000. I want that trip & I want that money.

What do I need to do? Study my procedures.

2. I want to become a counselor at my studio. That person is the person who is in charge of my current department. I want to be the boss.

What do I need to do? Study my procedures & bring up my sales.

3. I want to certify out of my full bronze level by the end of the year. I will get an extra dollar teaching pay and I'll have a higher level of teaching knowledge.

What do I need to do? Work on my figures & free styles every day.

My Long Term Goal

4. I would like to succeed and compete in Rhythm Ballroom (Cha Cha, Rumba, Swing, Mambo, Bolero. Whether I end up on a winning streak, right now at this moment, I would love to have the chance to experience dancing at a competitive level. I know I will have to sacrifice a lot to get there, but I am willing to try just to get there.

What do I need to do? As of right now, I need to get private coaching to accelerate and understand my dancing. Then I will have to find a partner. And I need to get into dancers shape, lose some inches, tone up and gain more flexibility in my body which I can do now.

5. I want my own studio. This is where I belong and this is where I want to live.

What do I need to do? 1 through 4 and I'm practically guaranteed a successful studio.

What are you goals?

Music Monday

2010-08-02T08:23:00.001-07:00

I would love to do choreography to this song!

"Smooth Criminal" Michael Jackson

10 things I learned this weekend

2010-08-02T08:12:00.001-07:00

10. Boyfriend looks cute when he is sleeping.
9. AZ is so pretty when it rains.
8. I need to spend more time with my sister.
7. Time is flying by way to fast.
6. I need to manage my stress a whole lot better.
5. I can't function at work without my sidekick.
4. I miss Michael Jackson
3. "California Girls" by Katy Perry is strangely addictive
2. McDonalds makes the best soft served vanilla ice cream.
1. I don't know how happy I would be without my dog.

*I got this idea from Apartment 513

Thank God Friday is Over!!

2010-07-31T08:22:00.000-07:00

What a terrible work week. No sales. Frustrations. Idiotic students. I'm just happy I have the weekend to rest.

First of all, I was $3200 away from making my monthly bonus again. DAMN IT! But I wish that was the only thing that was bad. The continuing problem is that my bosses have no idea how to run a business. Now, after some terrible money-loss decisions, the current (and fairly new staff) are the ones that are being asked to pick up the pieces. The people before us were the ones that began the failing process and there are 20 things that need to be fixed but we can't do it all at once. I feel like they are asking us to perform miracles.

It is so frustrating. I am in the morning the meetings with my supervisor and franchisee and she is sitting there asking us to come up with more ideas to make more lessons, something we have been doing since January. I mean my god, if our brilliant ideas didn't work before then maybe our approach is all wrong. At this point, I feel like they are throwing a bunch of shit around trying to see which one works without having a direction. I suggested to take a list of our active students, narrow down the ones that aren't doing what we want and brainstorm why and how to fix it. You think they listen to me? No.

And to be really honest, I feel like a large percentage of our students do come in more than once a week for lessons. There is a small handful of people who just come in once (if that). They just don't want to accept that it is a volume problem.

I feel like I am the only one with common sense in that place. Well, with the exception of 2 other people and thank god for that.

I miss home.

2010-07-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

Boyfriend is in NY for work and sent me this picture.

45th & Madison

I Miss New York.

Music Monday in the 80's

2010-07-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a day late. Plain & Simple, I forgot. :/

But let's bring it back to the 80's. Boyfriend loves 80's music so I am constantly finding some good ol shit that I've always liked but never remembered the name of it.

.Jefferson Starship "Nothing's Gonna stop us now"

What do you think?